The secret to successful holiday celebrations with our dementia care receivers isn’t perfect decorations or parties — it’s having a peaceful retreat space ready for them when needed.

As caregivers navigating the holiday season with loved ones who have Alzheimer’s and other types of dementia, we’ve learned intentional planning makes all the difference. The holiday season brings additional activities, decorations, and visitors that can disrupt the routines so vital to our care receivers’ well-being. Success requires careful observation, thoughtful preparation, and gradual adaptation of celebrations.

Through our experiences, what we’ve learned from support groups, and from others on their journeys, we’ve developed five essential tips to help create positive holiday experiences while maintaining the calm and familiar environment your care receiver needs.

Tip 1: Preserve Daily Routines

As caregivers, we work continuously with our care receiver to create the routine that supports them — and us — throughout the day. As their diagnosis progresses, and we monitor and modify our routines so we preserve their calm and familiar as long as possible.

It’s also important for us to be intentional about our routines so we practice self-care and prevent burnout.

Holidays and routines both have eight letters; that’s about where their similarity ends. Much of what we do throughout the holiday season takes us out of our routines, one of the most important things we protect in the day-to-day lives of our care receivers with diagnoses of dementia. These familiar patterns aren’t just habits — they’re vital anchors that help our loved ones navigate their days with confidence and security.

Routines are incredibly important for both the care receiver and the caregiver. For our care receivers, routines create structure, reduce stress, and provide a sense of control in a world that may increasingly feel confusing or overwhelming.

Key points:

• Record and share your care receiver’s daily routines with family and visitors
• Plan holiday activities around established schedules
• Use routines as the foundation for holiday planning
• Be prepared to adjust festivities to accommodate essential daily patterns
• Remember that routines help prevent emotional spirals of fear, anger, or agitation.

Sue’s Experience:

“Rest and quiet were very important for my Dad. He had periods during the day where we could introduce more activity, but nothing that included groups or loud noises. He had his ‘dementia routines’. Several of these, at specific times, included eating breakfast, walking the dog and, with his sundowning, going around the house closing the blinds. He became very agitated if he wasn’t able to do these at the same time of day. For holiday planning, we talked together as a family about what activities to include him in, when it was easiest, and who to include, so we reduced anything causing agitation for him.”

Tip 2: Be Prepared With a Calm Retreat Space

In the midst of holiday celebrations, having a sanctuary becomes essential. Think of this space as your loved one’s personal haven — a place where the overwhelming stimuli of holiday gatherings can’t reach. Just as we all need a quiet moment sometimes, our care receivers often require a calm, familiar space where they can retreat and regroup when festivities become too much.

Key points:

• Choose a familiar room or space your care receiver already associates with calm
• Keep main activities in a different area
• Ensure the space is easily accessible
• Make sure others know what this space is so they don’t gather there.

Nancy’s Experience:

When celebrating major holidays, we intentionally keep the main gathering in our basement. This allows my husband to remain in his familiar, calm space upstairs. We arrange for people to visit him individually, sharing quiet conversations in his comfort zone.

Tip 3: Set Expectations With Visitors While Also Acknowledging Their Feelings

Managing expectations and providing guidance helps create positive experiences for everyone.

It’s reasonable over the holidays family members and loved ones want to come visit. They’ll be experiencing their own emotions about the changes they observe in our care receivers, and they may not have seen our care receiver for a while. Their feelings deserve acknowledgment and compassion, even as we guide them toward more supportive ways of engaging.

Some visitors may feel uncomfortable due to:

• Their lack of experience with dementia
• Not having seen our care receiver for a while
• Processing their own emotions
• Being reminded of their own caregiving experiences.

Key points:

• Communicate your care receiver’s current abilities and needs
• Give permission for loved ones to choose not to visit if it’s too difficult for them
• Show grace to those processing their own emotions.

Sue’s Experience:

“One of my husband’s best friends lost his mother and sister to Alzheimer’s disease. Through another friend, I learned he felt guilty that he wasn’t coming to visit Jack, but that he just couldn’t bear to see him. I reached out to him and shared that I loved him, I knew Jack loved him and that Jack knew he loved him. I shared that I respected his discomfort, knew Jack would too, and that it didn’t change our love for him. He broke down and cried, saying he’d felt so guilty. I told him to feel at peace and that I was at peace.”

Tip 4: Teach Visitors How to Visit

As our loved one’s diagnosis progresses, what makes them comfortable and uncomfortable continues to change. It’s harder for them to process lights, shadows, sounds, conversations, and movements. Sometimes, what they used to enjoy, they now resist.

Visitors want to connect but may feel uncertain about how to do so. Providing clear guidance gives them the confidence to engage while protecting your care receiver’s dignity and comfort, helping everyone have the most positive experience.

Key points:

• Approach our care receivers slowly with a pleasant expression
• Speak calmly and softly
• Sit at eye level during conversations
• If our care receiver is sitting, have another chair nearby for a visitor
• If smaller gatherings are easier for your care receiver, consider having smaller groups at different times — perhaps on different days
• Don’t talk about them when you’re close by. We want to protect their dignity whenever possible. We’re sometimes surprised at what our care receiver’s understand in the moment.

Please don’t ask our care receiver if they remember. Instead of saying: “Remember when we used to go caroling?”, consider saying: “One of my favorite Christmas experiences was going caroling in our neighborhood.” If our care receiver remembers , they’ll comment.

Tip 5: Introduce Changes Gradually

The magic of holiday decorations and traditions can quickly become overwhelming for someone with dementia. What once brought joy might now cause confusion or distress, so it’s important to be thoughtful about how we introduce holiday changes. Think of it as slowly turning up the dimmer switch rather than flipping on bright lights all at once.

Understanding how your care receiver’s perception of their environment has changed is crucial. What might seem festive to us could be disorienting or even frightening to them, especially as the day progresses into evening and shadows appear.

Key points:

• Test holiday lights and decorations gradually
• Observe reactions to decorations both day and night
• Be prepared to modify or eliminate traditional decorations
• Embrace music and familiar holiday sounds.

Sue’s Experience:

Before his diagnosis, my husband loved Christmas. He loved decorating the house and filled every room with trees, nativity sets, and other decorations. As his diagnosis progressed, the lights made him uncomfortable and agitated — especially after the sun went down and they cast shadows. He kept taking decorations off the Christmas tree and throwing them away, began pulling the lights off the tree, and he took the nativity scenes apart, breaking them in the process. After getting him to bed, I took all the decorations down. I began introducing one item at a time. We stopped having the tree — even undecorated, it became uncomfortable for him.

Holiday traditions, especially long-standing ones, may still be able to be recalled by our care receivers. They’re connected to emotions and senses, so embrace traditions that include songs, smells, foods, people, and decorations. Let go of the outcome. Be ok if they don’t remember; they do in their heart.

Nancy’s Experience:

We discovered that having a Christmas tree on the main level caused agitation. To maintain the tradition for my children while protecting my husband’s comfort, we moved the tree and gifts to our basement den.

Sue’s Experience:

“While my husband didn’t stay connected with holiday decorations, what did bring him comfort was his favorite holiday music. He would sing along with the songs of the holiday. I created different playlists of music, and when we had company, I had happy songs playing softly in the background.”

Final Thoughts

The holiday season can still be a time of joy and connection when we thoughtfully adapt our celebrations to support our care receivers’ needs. By following these guidelines, we create positive experiences that honor both traditions and the current reality of our caregiving journey.

Key takeaways:

• Maintain daily routines as much as possible
• Be prepared with a familiar calm space
• Set expectations with visitors while also acknowledging their feelings
• Teach visitors how to visit
• Make changes gradually.

If you have tips you think others would benefit from, please share them on our Facebook page or Instagram page.

We’re all on this journey together.