Don’t Say Remember! Tips for Memory Loss / Alzheimer's and Other Dementias

Don’t Say Remember! Practical Tips for Navigating Memory Loss In the Early Stages of Our Loved One’s Alzheimer’s and Other Dementias

Does it feel like a punch in the gut every time you realize something new your loved one has forgotten? As caregivers for our husbands and parents with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia, Nancy Treaster and I have learned that memory loss in the beginning of the journey can be challenging. One of our goals as caregivers is to help our care receivers maintain as much dignity and independence as possible. One of the ways we do this is by providing them support behind the scenes.

Does it feel like a punch in the gut every time you realize something new your loved one has forgotten?

As caregivers for our husbands and parents with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia, Nancy Treaster and I have learned that memory loss in the beginning of the journey can be challenging. One of our goals as caregivers is to help our care receivers maintain as much dignity and independence as possible. One of the ways we do this is by providing them support behind the scenes.

We’re sharing four key strategies we developed from our experiences to provide our care receivers valuable support and to provide us peace of mind.

Figure out what information they’re struggling to remember.

One of the most effective ways to support your loved one is by identifying what information they’re having trouble remembering. This involves careful observation and adapting your approach to support them maintaining their dignity and independence.

Nancy’s Experience:

I noticed my husband was struggling with his ATM card. Instead of confronting him directly, I found a way to help discreetly. Whenever we went out, I’d ask if he needed cash. If he did, I’d stop at the ATM, tell him I might as well get the money since the ATM was on my side of the car, use his card for him, and hand him the money. This allowed him to maintain his independence and dignity while ensuring he had access to cash when needed.

Sue’s Experience:

I started keeping a journal to track changes and patterns in my loved ones’ behavior. For my dad, who was very routine-oriented, I began setting out items for his breakfast routine. This subtle assistance helped him maintain his independence while providing the support he needed.

Understand and help with what they can no longer do on their own.

As their diagnosis progresses, it’s important to adapt tasks your loved one can no longer manage independently.

Nancy’s Experience:

I noticed my husband was struggling with the TV remote, often accidentally purchasing shows. I implemented the cable company’s child safety lock to prevent unintended purchases. I also made sure I sat with him during my breaks while working at home to help him find the right channels and shows.

Sue’s Experience:

I learned that simplifying existing devices was often more effective than introducing new, “simpler” ones. For phones, I found it best to remove unnecessary apps and simplify the interface rather than buying a new device, which would create a learning curve.

Get other people involved.

While sharing the diagnosis with others shouldn’t be a sensitive topic, for some people it is. It’s extremely important for both the caregiver and the care receiver that the information IS shared. It helps others help both us and our care receivers. It’s worth working to get comfortable with your discomfort and sharing so others can help.

Nancy’s Experience:

My husband was initially reluctant to share his diagnosis. I respected his wishes – to a point. I recognized my need for support. I told our closest friends and, about a year after his diagnosis, made the decision to discreetly inform his parents. I felt it was becoming obvious and I didn’t want them to have to ask, feel uncomfortable, or miss treasured time with their son.

Sue’s Experience:

Both my husband and father were open about their diagnoses. This openness allowed friends and family to offer support and understanding, making the journey easier for everyone involved.

Watch out for UTIs – they can be incredibly challenging.

Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) have a wide range of symptoms. In someone with the diagnosis of a type of dementia, they can significantly impact their cognitive function and behavior, sometimes showing no symptoms except a sudden cognitive decline.

Nancy’s Experience:

We’ve had to go to the emergency room twice for UTIs with my father-in-law. It’s important to note that older adults may not experience the typical painful symptoms of a UTI, so it’s crucial to be vigilant and consider this possibility when there’s a sudden change in behavior or cognitive function.

Sue’s Experience:

One of the primary causes of UTIs is not drinking enough liquids. Many older adults don’t want to drink as much liquid due to incontinence or challenges going to the bathroom. These were both things my Dad struggled with. We learned to monitor his fluid intake intentionally and daily. With my dad, we set out beverages in the morning adding up to the total amount of liquid he needed to drink throughout the day and tracked his consumption to ensure he stayed hydrated.

In the beginning, it can be hard to get your head around what’s happening. You didn’t go to school to become a caregiver and you didn’t go to school to understand the diagnosis. Give yourself lots of grace and reach out to ask questions. You will get through this phase, and your confidence will grow as you learn to handle each new situation.

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