“If you give me a spa certificate but no gift of time to go with it, I’ll probably never use it.”
As friends and family of Alzheimer’s and other dementia family caregivers, we want to give meaningful gifts that will actually be used and appreciated! Through our experiences and what we’ve learned from others on their caregiving journeys, we’ve developed five important categories of gifts that truly make a difference in a caregiver’s life.
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Takeaways
Tip 1: The Gift of Time
The most valuable gift you can give a caregiver is time — specifically, time for themselves while you share time with their care receiver. This gives the caregiver an opportunity for essential “me time.”
Key points:
Tip 2: Identity-Reconnecting Gifts
Pair the gift of time with something that helps caregivers reconnect with their interests and hobbies.
Key points:
Tip 3: Practical Assistance Gifts
These gifts take tasks off the caregiver’s plate:
Tip 4: Coordinate People Who Want To Help
Take practical assistance to the next level by organizing ongoing support.
Use coordination tools like:
Organize recurring assistance with:
Tip 5: Thoughtful Gestures
Simple and meaningful gestures that show you care.
Key takeaways:
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Full Episode Transcript
Nancy Treaster
You’re probably a caregiver if you’re listening to this podcast. But this is also a really great podcast for you to share with people who are looking to give you gifts. And as you listen to this podcast, you’ll understand why. In this episode, we’re talking about how to think outside the box and give gifts to caregivers that they’ll actually use.
Sue Ryan
Yes, that’s what we want. And there’s a reason why we’re laughing with this.
Nancy Treaster
Isn’t that a great idea? Exactly. We have five categories of gifts. Sue, you ready to get started?
Sue Ryan
Being a caregiver is demanding right from the minute we get the diagnosis, it becomes 24 7. And because we’re so focused on our care receiver, it’s reasonable that we let go of things that are important to us as well. And we kind of lose our sense of self. And one of the first things we give up are some of those things that are most meaningful for us to do, like our hobbies or our interests and other things that we’re really connected with. So when it comes time to get gifts, one of the things that’s so helpful is to be very intentional about things that are going to be comforting. They’re going to be supportive. They’re things we can use. They’re things that will reconnect us with our sense of self, our hobbies, our interests, our passions. And it’s very important for us to also understand when we’re thinking about gifts, we usually focus on that primary caregiver in the home. And often now we have multiple generations in the home. So for example, those teenage children come home after school instead of participating in some of the school activities so they can be helping out with grandma and grandpa. And so one of the things when we’re thinking about gift giving is also including other generational support that are there in the home as well. So Nancy, are you ready to get going with tip one?
Nancy Treaster
Tip one, Sue, is the gift of time. And this is probably the most valuable gift you can give a caregiver. And you know, the gift of time gives the caregiver an opportunity to have some me time. And when we say the gift of time, what we mean is that someone is sharing time with the care receiver so that the caregiver can go do something that they want to do.
We have a really good worksheet on our website. We will also put a link to it in the show notes that you can use as a caregiver to think through what you would do if you had the gift of time. And if you’re a gift giver, you can sit with the caregiver and say, let’s go through and fill this worksheet out so we can all understand what it is you would do with the gift of time. Now it’s a fairly straightforward worksheet. Down one side, you put increments of time. 10 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, half a day, full day, an evening, all weekend. What are the increments? Down the other side, you think through what brings the caregiver joy. What would you do if you had an hour? What would you do if you had half a day? What would you do if you had a weekend or an evening? If you have 20 minutes, Sue and I like to suggest what might bring you joy is to listen to a Sue and Nancy podcast. It may not be on your list, but anyway. So sit down, take some time to think ahead, because when you get the gift of time, and this works even if it’s not someone giving you an hour, if you have 10 minutes, this gives you an opportunity to think, you don’t have to come up with what you’re gonna do with that 10 minutes, you’ve already written it down and you can just go look, what are the things I’d like to do if I had 10 minutes? And then you can run and go and actually take advantage of the time you’ve got.
All right, so let’s start with the gift of time was tip one and that rolls into tip two as well.
Sue Ryan
Tip two is when you’re giving that gift of time, what are some of the things that you can give the caregiver that will reconnect them with their interests, their hobbies, their sense of self? And Nancy and I put together a representative list, certainly not an extensive list, but things that you can be gifting that go with the gift of time. For example, tickets for movies, theater, sports events. Online fitness class subscriptions, favorite sport lessons, and then a session or more to actually use what you learn in the lesson, classes related to your hobbies, like cooking or crafting or woodworking or things like that, and then a spa day or a massage or a mani-pedi certificate. One of the examples that I have that was just so incredibly thoughtful is when some of my husband’s buddies called one morning and they said, hey, we want to take Jack out for breakfast tomorrow. I said, that’s great. He said, and we’re going to have you go to get a we’re gonna pick him up at 9 a.m. Well, that’s great. And we have an appointment for you at 9.15 to get a mani and pedi and we’re bringing you the gift certificate. And it was like, wow, because I had completely taken anything like that way off of my list. So it was a gift that they had identified they were going to care for him and then have me do something that was intentionally caring for me. Meant a whole lot to me.
Nancy Treaster
Yeah, that’s a wonderful story. And you know, that’s the connection that people forget or don’t know. They think they’re giving you a good gift to help you have some “me” time. I got a spa certificate as well at some point in my caregiving journey, but no gift of time to go with it. And I never used it. So what we’re talking about in this episode is how to be intentional about giving gifts to a caregiver so they will use them. Because it never felt like a priority for me to find time to go to the spa. And caregivers don’t necessarily think about things for themselves as a high priority. And so if you just give me a spa gift certificate, it’s probably not gonna make the priority list. So if you give me the gift of time to go with the spa certificate, like Sue’s, I love the fact that they even went as far as to make the appointment for you, Sue. That was awesome. That’s the way to a gift.
Sue Ryan
Yeah, there was no backing out of that one. Nancy, I think another point that’s really important here is that one of the reasons also that a caregiver will get a gift and not use it is they have what’s called caregiver guilt. And if you give them a gift and they feel like it, I just would feel so guilty going and treating myself when my loved one can’t. When we connect the gift of time with the actual gift. It removes that guilt. We shouldn’t have guilt in the first place. We should be doing it, but it’s easier for us to actually use something that was given a gift with such great thoughtfulness behind it. And like you had said, if your spa day had been connected to, we’re going to watch your husband while you go to the spa day, then you would have felt better about actually using the gift.
Sue Ryan
Let’s go to tip three, Nancy.
Nancy Treaster
Tip three is practical gifts. These are gifts that take something off the plate of the caregiver, taking them out to a meal, care receiver and the caregiver, providing a home cooked meal and taking it to their home, hiring a cleaning service so they don’t have to clean their house. If they’ve got children offering child pickup and child drop off.
If they take their care receiver to adult daycare, care receiver pick up and drop off. Babysitting if they have children, pet sitting if they have pets, taking the dog on a walk. Things that we can do that help, and you’ll think of things as well based on the situation your caregiver that you’re trying to give a gift to is in, what are things you could do to take something off their plate so they don’t have to do it?
Tip four is really taking tip three to the next level. And that is coordinating people who help deliver practical gifts. So maybe you don’t wanna just deliver one home cooked meal. You’d like to deliver a home cooked meal every once a week for a month. You can coordinate who’s gonna deliver home cooked meals each week. You can do that through a meal train. There’s meal train apps. Mealtrain.com. You can just do it through a Google Calendar. Of course, you can do it on a piece of paper. Nothing requires you to have technology, but there are lots of apps out there. Caringbridge.com. You can set up a caring bridge for someone, and it’s a place where you can coordinate care, meal delivery, but also child pickup and drop off or pet sitting. Care can be coordinated for the family that could use the help. So Tip four is really about coordinating, creating, recurring practical gifts. So what about tip five?
Sue Ryan
Tip five is thoughtful gestures, things that are meaningful to the caregiver. They don’t have to cost much. They’re just things that mean a lot to them. For example, a quick phone call. Hey, thinking of you. Grandchildren, sending a little text. Love you, thinking of you. Handwritten note, my gracious glory, getting a little handwritten note from someone that says I’m thinking of you, I care for you.
One that’s really fabulous is these digital photo frames where when we’re caregivers, we’re choosing not to go to some of the family events. And when the family has an event, they upload the pictures into the digital photo album. And even while the event is still going on, you can get the photos and you can add those. Yeah. So that’s a really good one. One that was really so touching to me is my husband was a mass everyday Catholic from the womb.
Sue Ryan
And I made sure until he could no longer get to church that I got him to church every single day. And one day a friend called and said, I’m going to take Jack to church tomorrow and you can join us or you can stay home. What I noticed at church is you’re so focused on caring for Jack that you’re not focused on the experience of church for yourself. And that just meant so very much to me because I really hadn’t. was there but I wasn’t really fully present. So that was a very, very, very thoughtful gift.
Nancy Treaster
Andu my mother had a similar experience. She was doing church online when they could no longer leave the house, but she was really missing her Sunday school class and the church experience. And so getting a caregiver to come so she could go to church was really valuable to her.
Sue Ryan
Another thing is pampering items or special items that there are things that we really like and to get those. So for example, I’ll share my pampering gift.
Nancy Treaster
Sue is a popcorn freak, everyone, in case you don’t know that, she is.
Sue Ryan
I truly am. Popcorn, you know, popcorn anytime. Nancy, you’ve got something that you love getting gifts of.
Nancy Treaster
I like scented candles. I like scented lotions. My younger son and his girlfriend live in St. Louis and they send me these scented soaps, which are made in St. Louis and you can also buy them online. They are awesome. I literally love these. I use these all the time. And they’re also good. Yeah, I really, I will put them in the show notes. As a matter of fact, I’ve given them to Sue. can vouch for them. They’re fabulous.
Sue Ryan
I can vouch for them. She’s got me hooked on them too.
Nancy Treaster (19:00.536)
Exactly. So things like that. you’re the kind of, if you’re the caregiver you’re giving gifts to is the kind of person who likes that kind of thing. I mean, it’s just something you don’t typically buy for yourself, which is awesome.
Sue Ryan
Yeah, and that’s what it is. It’s something that you wouldn’t necessarily get for yourself and that you really enjoy. And when somebody gives it to you, you know that they’ve been very intentional about something that really matters to you. It’s just, even that part of it means so much. yeah, so these are just ideas of different things that you can do that are very meaningful.
Sue Ryan
Before we summarize one more thing, you’ve heard from both of us that we’ve received gifts we haven’t used. If you get a gift, use it, even if it doesn’t come with the gift of time. If it doesn’t come with the gift of time, get somebody to give you the gift of time so you can actually use it. And when you use it, enjoy it. Don’t feel guilty about it. Your care receiver is going to be taken care of.
Sue Ryan
These are things to help you get some time to reconnect with yourself, with your identity and feel good about yourself. Use them.
Nancy Treaster
Yes, it’s so important and it’s so easy to carve off the self-care. And if you get gifts that help you care for yourself, please take advantage of them, no kidding. All right, so are you ready to summarize?
First, hopefully you recognize today that the gift of time is huge for family caregivers. It’s important also that we understand what the caregiver’s situation is, what they like, what their hobbies are, so that we can give gifts that are meaningful and that they’ll actually use, as we’ve said. Today, we talked about five categories of gifts.
Number one and the most valuable, the gift of time. Number two, gifts that help caregivers reconnect with their identity, their hobbies, their interests. Number three, practical gifts that take things off their plate. Number four, ways to make those practical gifts ongoing by coordinating help. And number five, thoughtful gestures, things you can do that don’t necessarily have to cost much money, but really send the right thought to the caregiver that you’re thinking about.
Nancy Treaster
If you have tips that you think are good, I’m not gonna say tips. If you have gifts that you think are good gifts for caregivers, please share them on our Facebook page, our Instagram page. The links are in the show notes for those. Any products that we talked about? Sue’s popcorn, at least, and my bar of soap will be in the show notes as well. And please take the opportunity to share this podcast, if you’re a caregiver, with people you think are trying to figure out what gifts to give you so that you can get gifts that you’ll actually use.
Sue Ryan
Absolutely, we’re all on this journey together.
Nancy Treaster
Yes, we are.
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