When you’re grieving, the last thing you need to be doing is planning a service. Pre-planning allows you to make only two decisions when death occurs: what day and what time the service will be held. Everything else can be arranged in advance, giving you the space to honor your loved one while processing your grief.

We are Sue Ryan and Nancy Treaster, and we recently spoke with Greg Cannon, who has more than 45 years of experience in the funeral profession, including as a funeral director. Greg shared his expertise on planning ahead for a loved one’s service, offering eight essential tips that can make all the difference during a difficult time.

The Difference Between Pre-Planning and At-Need Planning

“The difference between a service being pre-planned and happening at the at-need time is as different as night and day,” Greg explains. Pre-planning offers several advantages:

• It gives you the opportunity to have conversations with your care receiver, family, and friends about service wishes.
• It allows you to notify participants you want to be part of the service ahead of time.
• It helps you plan for the financial aspects.
• It enables greater creativity and personalization.

Nancy shared her own experience with pre-planning:

I created a very detailed plan for my husband’s service. My husband passed away pretty surprisingly. I wasn’t really ready for it. Having everything already planned made a huge difference for me because his passing hit me much harder than I expected.

8 Essential Tips for Pre-Planning a Funeral Service

Tip 1: Choose a Funeral Home

Select a funeral home that will meet your needs. This choice may be based on location, previous experience with them, or their reputation. As Greg notes, “I think it’s important that you select a place that takes care of your needs. The more you know the more comfortable you will feel.”

Funeral homes can provide documents that will assist you in making decisions and guide you through the planning process.

Tip 2: Decide on Burial or Cremation

This fundamental decision shapes many subsequent choices. As Greg points out, “Too many times when we sit with families, the question always comes up from the family, ‘Well, mom never said what she wanted.’ But when it is pre-planned, you have no doubt you’re doing exactly what your loved one wants.”

If choosing burial, consider:

• Cemetery location
• If the person is married, reserving an adjoining space for the spouse
• Whether traditional burial or green burial options are preferred.

For cremation, consider:

• Whether the cremation will happen before or after the service.
• What will be done with the cremated remains afterward.

In both cases, you’ll need to decide what clothing the person will wear. Greg advises bringing a complete set of clothing, including undergarments and outerwear. Shoes are optional and often difficult to put on, but can be included if they’re meaningful.

Tip 3: Decide on the Type of Service

Funeral services have evolved beyond the traditional. Greg outlines several options:

Traditional Service (for either burial or cremation):

• The body is present in a casket
• Open casket for viewing during visitation
• For cremation, a wooden casket must be used.

Memorial Service:

• The body is cremated before the visitation and service
• The urn is the focal point during visitation and the service.

Green Burial:

• The body cannot be embalmed
• Only biodegradable containers are permitted
• Even floral contributions must be free of wires or picks.

Direct Cremation or Direct Burial:

• No visitation or service
• Greg cautions that this “no farewell” approach may not help with processing grief.

Sue shared her experience with her husband’s green burial:

It was such a beautiful experience, and yet there were a lot of pre-planning pieces that had to be put in place ahead of time, because the monastery was in Georgia and we were living in Florida.

Tip 4: Choose a Location

The location for the service could be:

• A funeral home
• A place of worship
• A location meaningful to the deceased
• A cemetery or memorial garden

Nancy shared how her family had three completely different services in one year.

My father had a burial in a cemetery with military honors. We then had a service and reception at the funeral home. For my father-in-law, we had a family gathering in my backyard. My husband was cremated. We buried his ashes in the memorial garden at our church, and followed immediately with a church service at the church.

Tip 5: Prepare the Obituary

Rather than writing the complete obituary under time pressure, prepare by:

• Compiling all necessary information ahead of time
• Creating a comprehensive list of family members to include
• Selecting a photo or photos to accompany the obituary.

Sue shared her experience of forgetting important family members in an obituary written during a time of grief and under time pressure.

To this day, I feel bad about that because they were a very important part of our family.

Greg advises:

If you will simply write down the content that you want to go in the obituary notice, the funeral director of the funeral home will actually help you construct it so that it flows well.

Greg also notes that social media is increasingly important for sharing obituaries, and newspapers often charge high fees. Consider a brief death notice in the newspaper that directs people to the funeral home website for the full obituary.

Tip 6: Create a Notification Tree

Decide ahead of time:

• Who needs to be notified of the death
• Who will notify whom
• Create a “notification tree” so you’re not responsible for contacting everyone.

Nancy recommends:

We figured out the notification tree with my dad and then leveraged it with my father-in-law and with my husband. When you’re the primary person, get yourself one, two, or three people who you choose to be in charge, and let them spread the word. Don’t take this responsibility on yourself.

Tip 7: Plan the Service

Consider these elements and include your care receiver as much as possible:

• Officiant: Choose the clergy or person who will lead the service
• Eulogies: Decide who will deliver them and provide guidance
• Music: Select meaningful songs or hymns
• Readings: Choose scripture, poetry, or other readings
• Personal touches: Include memorabilia, photos, or items that represent the person’s life.

Greg advises those giving eulogies to write down what they want to say:

If they don’t, they will find themselves rambling. But more importantly, they may become emotional. If the content is written, the clergy can take control and finish delivering the information.

Nancy adds a practical tip:

One thing I tell people who are doing eulogies is you have seven minutes. I want you to write it, I want you to practice it and run through it, and I want you to figure out how long it took.

Consider alternatives to traditional floral arrangements:

• Family quilts
• Meaningful objects (like golf clubs for an avid golfer)
• Photos.

Video tributes are popular, so have photos selected in advance. Consider involving children by letting them choose their favorite picture(s)/items to include.

Keepsakes or memory items can provide something meaningful for attendees to take away. Greg shares:

The people who knew my mom knew that she was a great cook. As part of my mom’s visitation time and service, lying adjacent to where the guest book that people would sign was a stack of printed recipes my mom was most famous for.

Tip 8: Plan the Gatherings

Consider various types of gatherings:

• Private family dinner before the service
• Reception after the service for all attendees
• Informal gathering at home with close family and friends.

Nancy explains:

People who come to a service want to have a chance to share something, give their condolences, and let people know they were there. Some sort of at least a small reception after the service is pretty common.

Final Thoughts

Greg shares that funeral homes can come to your home to help with arrangements if needed, accommodating those who are bedridden or unable to travel.

Pre-planning a funeral service is one of the greatest gifts you can give your loved ones. It ensures your wishes are honored while relieving your family of difficult decisions during a time of grief.

Nancy emphasizes:

This is the kind of process that, if you can get it done ahead of time, will save you so much struggle when the time comes.

If you have tips about pre-planning funeral services, please share them on our Facebook page or Instagram page.

We’re all on this journey together.