Self-care is anything that is going to provide me emotional or physical energy, anything that is going to provide peace of mind, and anything that offers just pure joy. — Elizabeth Miller, Founder of Happy Healthy Caregiver

When you’re caring for a family member with Alzheimer’s or other type of dementia, you’ve probably heard countless times: “Don’t forget to take care of yourself.” While well-intentioned, this advice can feel overwhelming when you’re already juggling multiple responsibilities!

Through our conversation with Elizabeth Miller, we’ve learned that effective self-care is about more than just general advice — it’s about finding practical, sustainable ways to maintain your own wellbeing while caring for others.

Our guide to making self-care a reality in your caregiving journey begins with understanding the need for self-care.

The traditional analogy of “putting on your own oxygen mask first” can feel frustrating for caregivers because unlike an airplane emergency, there are no flashing lights or obvious signals when we need to take care of ourselves. Instead, Elizabeth suggests thinking of caregiving like feeding a nest of hungry birds: “You must leave the nest occasionally to gather nourishment, or you won’t be able to continue caring for those who depend on you.”

Here are four valuable tips to make self-care a practical reality in your caregiving journey.

Tip 1: Give Yourself Permission

One of the biggest barriers to self-care is the guilt that comes with taking time for yourself. Sadly, many caregivers feel it’s ‘selfish’ to focus on their own needs when their care recipient is struggling.

Nancy’s Experience:

I actually needed someone to physically tell me I had permission. I went to a therapist a couple of years into my husband’s diagnosis, and she explicitly said, ‘I am giving you permission to do what you want to do sometimes and to take care of you.’ Those words — that permission — really stuck with me.

Tip 2: Think Broadly About Self-Care

Self-care encompasses much more than just physical health. Elizabeth identifies eight key categories:

• Practical self-care (like organizing your desk)
• Emotional self-care (therapy, journaling)
• Social self-care (connecting with others)
• Spiritual self-care (following your spiritual path)
• Intellectual self-care (learning new things)
• Financial self-care (budgeting, planning)
• Professional self-care (career development)
• Physical self-care (exercise, nutrition)

Sue’s Experience:

I find joy in simple activities like meditation, watering my plants, or creating greeting cards. They’re not grand or expensive; I enjoy them and they relax me. Nothing is too small if it brings you joy.

Tip 3: Prioritize and Schedule Self-Care

The best self-care strategy is simply putting it on your calendar. Elizabeth recommends creating a “20 for 25” list — twenty things you want to do in 2025 that bring you joy, energy, or peace of mind. These can range from small activities like learning a new game to bigger plans like taking a vacation, a course, and prioritizing a hobby.

Nancy’s Experience:

I intentionally schedule two vacations a year with my sister. At first, I worried about what people would think, but I’ve only ever received positive support and encouragement. People truly want to see caregivers taking care of themselves.

Tip 4: Give Yourself Credit

Instead of focusing solely on ‘to-do’ lists, create a “ta-da” list celebrating what you’re already doing right. Self-care includes recognizing activities you’re already doing:

• Getting sleep!
• Preparing meals
• Exercise
• Personal hygiene
• Managing finances
• Taking breaks

Special Considerations when implementing self-care:

• Start small with achievable goals and intentional celebration
• Combine different types of self-care when possible
• Find activities that fit your schedule and budget
• Build and engage your support (and accountability!) network
• Regularly reassess and adjust your approach

Sue’s Experience:

I found it easy for me to ‘shave off’ self-care when the needs of my care receiver increased. “I can stay up later.” “I don’t need to go to the gym today.” “I can add that to my list.” There came a time when I’d ‘shaved off’ too much. It impacts our mental, physical, and emotional health. These impact our ability to be our best for ourselves — and for our care receiver! I got an accountability partner to help hold me to practicing self-care until I was comfortable prioritizing it.

About Our Guest

Elizabeth Miller is the founder of Happy Healthy Caregiver, which she created based on her own experiences caring for aging parents with chronic and terminal illnesses and a sibling with developmental disabilities. In addition to being a podcast host, keynote speaker, Certified Caregiving Consultant, coach, author, and co-host of Self-Care at Sea, Elizabeth offers a variety of free resources including:

• Weekly newsletters
• The Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast
• The Just For You Daily Self-Care Journal
• Self-care planning tools
• Online community support

Final Thoughts

Self-care isn’t just about spa days or expensive retreats — it’s about finding supportive and sustainable ways to maintain your mental, emotional, and physical energy while giving so much of yourself as a caregiver.

While it may seem challenging at first, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s powerful self-love. Self-care is also essential for providing the best care possible.

Key takeaways:

• Give yourself permission to prioritize self-care
• Think broadly about what self-care includes
• Schedule and prioritize your self-care activities
• Celebrate what you’re already doing right
• Take advantage of available resources and support
• Get an accountability partner to help you prioritize self-care

If you have tips about supporting a parent who’s becoming a primary caregiver, please share them on our Facebook page or Instagram page.

We’re all on this journey together.